Susan didn’t like her job It was all she had worked for but nothing of what she wanted. The crushes she had turned into men she never kissed with young girls disrespecting themselves just to get their approval. This is it. She thought. This is what it will always be.

What came over her that day wasn’t like the others. Hardly. Because none of the others had she definitively decided. Sure, the idea had danced in her head. But the idea never sat itself up on the witness stand to answer if what they saw was real or not. It had just floated, here and there, and Susan subconsciously believed in it too much to let it go.

There it was, her puffy blue Cadillac in the parking lot. Looking particularly appealing today. As it it was shouting to her, “let’s go, Susan. Let’s go.” Would they even realize she was gone?

On her way to the copy machine, he passed her again. Kyle. The man she had dreamt for days behind her bedroom doors that he may be hers. But those days were years ago. And the dreams were never said, and the man never knew. And there he was again, passing her on her way to the copy machine.

One night a few years ago late at the office it was just Susan and Kyle finishing up. And they were having one of the best conversations Susan had ever had. And they walked to the train together and got off at different stops. But she still thought about that night. As if it was special. But then she saw that was just how Kyle spoke and thought and acted. Kyle made everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world. And so, it wasn’t special at all.

As the copies were being made, she kept glancing around the room. Heads buried into computers, computers buried into chords, chords buried into cubicles, cubicles buried into plastic and rug flooring.

She glanced back out at the parking lot. “Susan, you need this. We need this. Let’s go.”

Susan looked at the clock. 1PM. Lunch time at that. She looked up. Almost paranoid. But no, no one saw her.

I can’t seem to find a good reason to live anymore. I’m ready to give it up. She drove the puffy blue Cadillac closer and closer to the edge of the earth. The north pole, and she saw where the land ended and where earth became space and the water flowing in and out like the sea. It was the most beautiful thing she ever saw.

The sky was clear because clouds didn’t exit there. The stars were shining bright. And the lighter blue was where she was, and the darker blue was space. Nothing. The end of it all. The end of Susan at least.

She drove her Cadillac closer and closer to the darkness. A sandy wet beach on the edge of the earth with a blue Cadillac coming closer and closer to the space ocean.

Here I go. She thought. Goodbye.

The tires started to sink a little deeper into the sand. Any farther and I won’t be able to come back she thought. The tide started going out, she didn’t need to go closer to the ocean, the ocean was coming closer to her. Eventually the tide would take her and sooner or later she would be in outer space with no oxygen. And she would go pretty quick. How long would suffocation take in an atmosphere with no oxygen? She hadn’t googled it that day because she worried one of her coworkers would grow suspicious.

The water was cold and the end crept closer and closer around her ankles. Cold water. Darkness. Depth. Nothing. It was all almost over for Susan. She was about to drift out into the space ocean.

What the hell am I doing. She thought. I don’t want to die! I don’t! Susan ran to the drivers seat of her Cadillac and jumped in, turned the keys, and began to ride.

But it was too late. The tires were sinking deeper and deeper into the sand.

No! No! She shouted.

Then her mind turned into a mode. Survival mode.

I won’t accept this. Susan thought. I can’t accept this.

She ran to the back and pulled all the sand out the back. The Cadillac was weighed down by all the sand in the trunk. She pushed out all the sand she could and ran back to the driver seat.

No! No!

Pressing her foot down on the gas. Hoping. Praying.

No!

This couldn’t be her end. She didn’t want it to be. Didn’t she still have the chance to decide?

No!

A little distance covered, but then less, and less.

No!

This isn’t what is supposed to happen. She thought.

I refuse!

And suddenly, the tires covered more space, and got out of the wet sand, and she started to speed off, free, free from the edge of the earth.

It’s not my time to go. Susan thought. Not yet. I don’t know what it is I have to live for. But I know it’s something.